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MODANO SPEAKS: THE NHL AND IQ By The Fish PDF Print E-mail
by Mike Fisher    Tue, Feb 14, 2006, 03:36 PM

I need search no further than my old pal and my former roomie (it's a long story) Mike Modano for proof: Hockey players -- even The Great One -- ain't that bright.

Football players at least generally fake their way through three years of college. Basketball players fake their way through two. Baseball players are the dumbest of all pro athletes, and their lack of depth and education is reflected in their general malevolence. Pro hockey players are usual darn good guys. ... but not brain machines.

Having accepted that, if you want a good explanation for the "Operation Slap Shot'' scandal -- and a new explanation -- you've come to the right place. Hockey players have a lot of money? You already knew that. Janet Jones has a lot of free time? Ditto. Competitive people like action? No scoop there.

But when even Wayne Betzky ("BETzky'' ... get it?) insists that he knows nothing about an NHL gambling ring that involves his wife and his top assistant/best friend. ... well, Wayne, you ain't that bright.

Now back to my boy Mo. Now, in the wake of this scandal, Mike and the rest of the NHL world simply mumble something "responsible'' into the camera and hope it goes away. But before this thing broke, Modano and I had a lengthy conversation (one of many we've had over the last decade) about life and love and war and hate and the intellect of your average NHL star.

"We oughta turn it into a sand trap,'' Modano told me, and if this sounds like an innocent joke about his favorite sport (Mo prefers golf to hockey), keep listening. "We oughta turn it into a sand trap. Blow it up. Save the oil, though.''

Yes, Mike Modano was making funny about the war in Iraq. And if you'll make certain to keep this in context, remember that he was kidding, that it was guys-with-beers talk, that he is in fact a pacifist with a nice streak whose tremendous compassion for people is reflected in his endless charity work. ... well, it's funny.

"I'm surprised who's ever in charge, Queen Elizabeth the 2, I guess, hasn't ordered the Royal Canadian Mounties to march to the Middle East,'' Mo continued. "Just march up and over the North Pole or whatever, so Canada can be a part of the takeover. Surprise attack.''

Modano is one of the greatest U.S.-born hockey players ever. His Stars are title contenders. He's now on his way to Italy to rep the US in the Olympics. And is also fond of "playing dumb.'' He does so, I theorize to his face, to fit in with the rest of the jocks. ("Queen Elizabeth the 2''?) It is his defense mechanism. I say he developed the trick as a kid who was moved from the American suburbs to Prince Albert, Saskachewan, Canada. Think about it: You're 14. You are the quarterback of the junior-high football team as well as a hockey player, and then suddenly, you're a child prodigy. A resource. You leave the comfort of home (20 years later, when Mike's very sweet mom Karen comes to Dallas, she can't resist picking up his house. Meanwhile, 20 years later, Mike's very cool dad Mike Sr. seems to be channeling a young Arthur Fonzarelli.). You get vacuumed up by the Hockey System, which "adopts'' you out into a new family, a new community, a new school. It's clear the world's priority for you is to be A Hockey Player. So why not focus on that, and otherwise get by on a Coke and a smile and maybe the occasional wiseass remark?

And by the age of 19, you are swept into the NHL, you are an adult, you are the "face of the franchise'' at an age when most of us still aren't quite comfortable or confident being the face of ourselves.

"Thanks, Dr. Phil,'' Modano said when I present to him the above pop-psychology analysis. "You make it sound like I didn't go to class in high school! Hey, we've got some Grade-9 guys in here (Stars players who only went as far as ninth grade)! I got my diploma, buddy!''

Did you really, Mike?

"Well,'' Modano said, fake-sheepishly, "at least I got my G.E.D. Almost the same thing, right?''

I reflect back on that conversation now. "Grade-9 guys''? "GED's''?

Now, knowing all this, are you slightly less surprised that a bunch of beer-drinkin' ice-skatin' ninth-grade-educated millionaires would get caught up in a "gambling ring''? Heck. ... now, knowing this, you probably wouldn't be surprised to learn that they thought a "gambling ring'' was a piece of jewelry.

 
Like it or Not...If Gretzky Knew Gretzky is Involved PDF Print E-mail
by Norm Hitzges    Sun, Feb 12, 2006, 11:12 PM

Today's entry comes to you courtesy of Mark "Friedo" Friedman:

There are plenty of people coming to the defense of Wayne Gretzky right now. And I can’t necessarily say that I blame them. After all, he is The Great One in Hockey.  He has had a squeaky clean career.  And he is the top ambassador for the sport.

The Gretzky defenders are all quick to point out that The Great One himself has not been accused of placing a bet. Not only has he not been accused, there is not even a trace of evidence suggesting that he did. 

The accusations are that Wayne’s Assistant Coach and longtime friend Rick Tocchet has been a ringleader in a fairly lucrative illegal gambling ring. And that Gretzky’s wife, Janet was a prominent client of Tocchet.  

Gretzky and his supporters say that he never made a bet and that he had absolutely no involvement in the ring.  The Great One’s defenders are right about one thing: So far, the authorities have not implicated Wayne Gretzky, as an individual.

Here’s the problem: once Wayne Gretzky finds out about the situation and then does not put a stop to it, he is involved. He may not have any legal issues, but if the NHL is serious about this situation, they are sure to have plenty of questions for the Great One.

In all reality, does it really matter whether or not Wayne Gretzky placed illegal bets or not? Does it really matter if his wife was making illegal bets? Does it really matter if he knew about it and didn’t do anything to stop it?

Legally, I guess the answer to all of these questions is no. Apparently, in this case The Feds are trying to nail the big guys in this operation. They really have very little interest in prosecuting people that were simply making bets. So, if Wayne and/or Mrs. Gretzky were just placing bets, they are probably not going to have any legal problems.

But, how about the NHL?

First of all, the league definitely does not like the fact that one of their Assistant Coaches was allegedly one of the ringleaders of a multi-million dollar bookmaking operation. If it is proven that Tocchet was involved at such a high level, the NHL won’t have to worry about banning him because it’s impossible to coach from behind prison bars.

Now back to Gretzky. Even if there are no legal implications for Wayne and Janet that come out of this investigation, there may be some very serious NHL implications. The NHL like any other league tries to distance itself from gambling as much as it possibly can. The NHL wants to make sure that the fans know that they are watching a clean game and that there are no conflicts of interests.

IF the league determines that Wayne Gretzky knew that his Assistant Coach and longtime friend was a leader of an illegal gambling ring, they are going to want to know why he didn’t either: a) put a stop to it (by threatening Tocchet with his job) or b) blow the whistle on Tocchet.

Let’s face it, if Gretzky wasn’t involved, he had the power to put a stop to it the minute he found out about it. He could have pulled his Assistant aside and told him “…stop it now, or you will no longer be a part of this organization…” You may be thinking that Gretzky’s a class guy who would never fire his friend. But let me ask you something, if Gretzky was not involved and his close friend, Tocchet put him in such an uncomfortable position, how much did Tocchet really value the relationship?

The same goes for Janet Gretzky. Let’s say that Wayne had no idea that his wife was placing large bets with his Assistant Coach and longtime friend. The minute that Wayne finds out, he can put a stop to it. He doesn’t even have to tell his wife to stop gambling. He can tell her to just choose a different venue. Heck, if she was wagering the kind of cash that has been reported, legal sportsbooks in Vegas would fall all over themselves to fly her into town.

I guess it depends on, if and how long Gretzky knew this was going on.  He may not have known about any of this at all.  His wife may have been placing bets with his Assistant Coach completely behind his back.   But, if it is determined that he knew about this situation for an extended period of time and did nothing to stop it, then he is involved whether he made an illegal bet or not.
 
NOTES FROM ATOP THE BARSTOOL by The Fish PDF Print E-mail
by Mike Fisher    Sun, Feb 12, 2006, 04:30 PM

ITEM: The Mavs aren't complaining about being arguably the best team in the NBA while having only one player selected for the All-Star Game -- and good for them. Other top teams have 3 and 4 All-Stars, and Dallas has just one, and linear logic requires a Dallas fan to squeal, "That just ain't right!'' But while Josh Howard and Jason Terry have experienced nice seasons, to put somebody ON an All-Star Team, you have to take somebody OFF. It's not like there are UNDESERVING reserves in the West.

ITEM: Meanwhile, though, staying linear: If a great team has just one stud, must'nt that one stud be an MVP front-runner? That right there should be the campaign slogan for Dirk Nowitzki.

ITEM: I do recall this correctly, right? That the NHL -- so troubled now by a gambling scandal so troubling that it even touches Wayne Betzky. ... I mean, GRETZKY. ... that the NHL recently held its owners meetings in. ... Las Vegas?

ITEM: Pavarotti? Yoko Ono? Hats with fireworks? Best thing about the Olympic Opening Ceremonies? One word: Understated.

ITEM: So Art Shell is back coaching the Raiders, mostly because three other more viable candidates turned down Al Davis. I suppose it is progress, in a sense: a black man is now in the "good ol' boy network''? And from another angle: Isn't this the equivalent of Jerry Jones rehiring Barry Switzer?

ITEM: US figure skater Johnny Weir is, um, flamboyant. We knew that. So why the fuss for complaining that his accomodations in Torino feature too much barbed wire and aren't "princess-y enough''? I mean, he's a FIGURE SKATER!

ITEM: I've made the point for a couple of years now that InfalliBill has his media favorites, that he feeds those people, that none of them are based in Dallas (thus none of the beat writers in D/FW have any true access to him or insight from him and that if you want to know what's going on with Parcells, you have to read Chris Mortensen and Peter King. Exhibit 1 million: Peter King reports that Bill Parcells was almost in tears the other day.


Writes King: "I think the most amazing thing I've heard in a long, long time was the choked-up, unsteady voice of Bill Parcells over the phone from Dallas Saturday afternoon, after the election of one of his favorite players, Harry Carson, to the Hall of Fame. "I've been crying for five minutes,'' he told me. "God, am I happy. Harry is so deserving, and I couldn't be happier for anyone. It's unbelievable.''


Hmm. Touching. One can only hope that InfalliBill cares as much about the team he is presently paid $5 mil a year to coach as he cares about old Giants

.
ITEM: No, this 12th Man Cheap Shot is not directed at Texas A&M, whcih came off as a bit snippy for its legal position regarding the Seahawks' stolen 12th Man theme. This 12th Man cheap shot is directed at the Seahawks fans themselves.

From all reports, the Ford Field crowd in Detroit for Super Bowl XL was "90-10'' Steelers fans. If Seahawks fans purport to be as passionate and devoted as Aggies fans, shouldn't they have at least shown up for the biggest game in the franchise's history?

ITEM: So a girl won the boys high-school state wrestling championship. And that's a heckuva story. Want a better one? Somebody needs to go interview the Alaskan boy, Aaron Boss. THAT'S the story.

ITEM: I'm always amused when a misbehaving pro sports star explains his misdeeds by pointing out that he "grew up around gangstas, thugs, in the 'hood.'' Which WAS true. But Mr. Superstar, you're now 30 years old. You've pocketed millions of dollars a year for the last decade. You live in a $3 million mansion. You've been given your "out'' -- why not take it?

ITEM: I know this is terribly "third-grade humor'' of me, but given that you are aware of the supposed sexual preferences of some female basketball players. ... and given that one of the WNBA's legendary names is Cynthia Cooper. ... is it OK for me to giggle when I see that Cynthia's married name now is "Cynthia Cooper-Dyke''?

ITEM: I'm still somewhat nonplussed at the NBA Panty Hose trend. Kobe's into wearing leggings. LeBron's now into it. Stackhouse wears 'em. On Thursday, some Heat players didn't wear two-legged Panty Hose but instead just went with a one-legged version.


"What do they call those one-legged ones,'' quipped my friend Courtney, "a Panty 'Ho?''

ITEM: Because of my career choice, I happen to care. How the networks choose their broadcast teams, how the personalities mesh, the behind-the-scenes intrigue -- I dig all of it. But I sense that the average fan could not care less whether Mike Tirico is going to do ESPN's Monday Night Football or whether Al Michaels skipped out of his contract to move to NBC's Sunday Night Football or whether James Brown is leaving Fox to work for CBS. I believe, to paraphrase Jerry Seinfeld, that you "cheer for the laundry.'' That is, you cheer for the uniforms, whomever is inside of them. You watch for the uniforms.

And if that is true -- that you watch for the uniforms -- why would you possibly care about which disembodied voice talks on which channel during the game you are going to watch regardless?

ITEM: I do not think Mavs coach Avery Johnson, who will serve as the West coach in Sunday's All-Star Game, is joking when he says he already knows which All-Star will be allowed to take a potential game-winning-buzzer-beating shot. "We'll call the play for Dirk,'' AJ promises.

 
Winter Olympics Draw Less Attention PDF Print E-mail
by Norm Hitzges    Sat, Feb 11, 2006, 06:26 PM

Did you watch Friday night’s opening ceremonies of the Winter Olympics?

How much do you intend to watch?

NBC approaches telecasts of these Winter Olympics walking on eggs. They are already estimating a drop of about 25% from the ratings of the last Winter Olympics. Other networks, which during the Winter Olympics usually show reruns of reruns of reruns, refuse to do that this year. Believing that the Winter Olympics are vulnerable as a TV product, the rest of the TV world is running its top shows head to head with the half pipers, cross country skiers and skeletoners.

In its desperate attempt to beef up their winter product, the Olympics (and TV) have over the last few years shoved more and more obscure sports into the competition. They believed this would result in more and more of the X-Game types watching their telecasts. That may have been a significant mis-judgement. The telecasts now seem fairly crowded with bizarre sports that once you seen them a few times do not have a long television shelf life.

There will still be significant pomp and ceremony. But somehow America just may never get into hooded people who’s faces you can’t see skiing down Italian mountains while they fire guns.

This just may drive me to American Idol and Desperate Housewives.
 
Genius Move by Cuban PDF Print E-mail
by Norm Hitzges    Fri, Feb 10, 2006, 09:49 PM

Mark Cuban is a genius.

I think Mark is a bright guy. He’s obviously got A.D.D. because he works on a dozen things at once. His movie company is spectacular. He is making brilliant movies. He may well win an Academy Award.

But his announcement that the Mavericks are going to lower some ticket prices was absolute genius. Every fan in Dallas will now love him. Every other owner in the NBA has got their Mark Cuban voodoo doll out.

Mark Cuban announces, ‘…hey, we’ve got a much lower luxury tax payment next year…our expenses are going to be down…so, we’re going to pass that on to you, the fans…’

Genius, I tell you…Pure genius.

This is a guy whose team is winning like crazy. This is the ultimate “Please Gouge Me” situation for fans. His team is on a 13 game win streak and he’s lowering ticket prices.

This is the first anti-gouging announcement in sports I’ve seen in a long time. Admit it, you figured Maverick ticket prices were going up this year. A successful team, young stars, lots of wins, of course ticket prices were on their way up.

Say what you want about Cuban. But, let me tell you something: when it comes to marketing to his fans, he gets it. And when it comes to the business of his team, he gets it. He understands that an empty seat will generate absolutely no revenue.

I’ve been outspoken about a lot of Cuban’s moves. But, I’ve got to give him credit when he deserves it. And today he deserves a lot of credit. This was a very very smart move.
 
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