FISH ON FRIDAY (sept 14)
by Mike Fisher    Fri, Sep 14, 2007, 07:58 am
Belicheat. Deion. Texas testicles. Dancin' Cuban. Singin' Cuban. Neiman Marcus. Perps named 'Wayne.' All part of an eventful 'Fish on Friday':


ITEM: It’s not Texas-OU week yet. But it’s never too early for the Sooners to show they have balls. Even if the balls they have in their hands belong to a Longhorns fan.


ITEM: More gaping jaws, this time because Bill Belichick and the Patriots cheated. “Why would such a great team cheat?’’ y’all whine. Um, has it not occurred to you that maybe the cheating begat the greatness?


ITEM: Before the penalty was handed down (bucks and draft-pick forfeiture) I wondered what should New England’s punishment be for its Candid Camera trick. I still say kick Belichick where it hurts most: Either a) Ban him from engaging in extramarital affairs or b) Force him to deal with the media as if they are actually human beings.


ITEM: Seriously, if Cowboys assistant coach Wade Wilson uses steroids to help him with diabetic impotence and gets a five-game suspension, how does the NFL not hand Belicheat at least the same penalty?


ITEM: Every time I watch tape of Britney Spears at the VMAs, I’m tempted to order a discounted lunch steak while slipping a five-spot into her panties.


ITEM: To the Knicks, apparently, a woman’s place isn’t in the home. A woman’s place also isn’t in the front office. A woman’s place, though, might be in Stephon Marbury’s backseat.


ITEM: You mean LeBron has accomplished all of this without being able to see?


ITEM: Do the Suns, having discussed a Shawn Marion-for-AK47 trade, now have a Marion headache in their future?  

ITEM: Bill Parcells writes about the Cowboys on  As expected, he demonstrates uncommon insight backed by an umatched effort level. (Not really. It’s  clear that Parcells “mailed this in’’ – if he even had anything at all to do with writing it.)


ITEM: Yet another sick criminal with the middle name of “Wayne.’’ It’s like naming your daughter “Bertha’’; how can you fail to foresee how the kid is gonna turn out?

ITEM: For the record, the full name of the owner of the Dallas Cowboys is “Jerral Wayne Jones.’’


ITEM: Mark Cuban, mixed-martial arts, Friend of School of Fish Guy Mezger and HDNet: An entertainment marriage made in Heaven. 


ITEM: A reality show starring Deion Sanders? Not a bad idea; it would be flashy and seedy and scandalous and. … hold on. It’s on Oxygen? It’s about his wife and his love for her? It’s called “Prime Time Love’’? Never mind.


ITEM: The beauty of blogging, Mark Cuban often says, is that he no longer has to risk being misquoted by interviewers; he can simply quote himself. So he does, on the subject of “Why do ‘Dancing With The Stars’?


ITEM: Something about Dallas and the DFW media that has long irritated and befuddled me is the cozy and parochial approach we take to covering the locals. I’ve tried to offer up examples over the last 20 years, but today I may have stumbled across a beauty:


Neiman Marcus, writes the Dallas Morning News,  has “cachet that Coke will never match.’’

Really? Neiman Marcus is bigger than Coca-Cola?!

I wonder if Google agrees with our local-yokel bias. …

Google “Neiman Marcus’’ and you get 2,170,000 results. Impressive.

Google “Coca-Cola’’ and you get 10 times as many, a total of 20,700,000. Add in “Coke,’’ and it’s 34,700,000 more.

You tell me: Are we proud civic Gomers? Or are we ass-kissing shills?


ITEM: From The Sporting News:   “The trade of PF Kevin Garnett is final, of course, but hindsight is 20-20. Mavericks owner Mark Cuban reportedly admitted that he thought the team was close to getting Garnett on draft day. So, what might the Timberwolves have gotten? A source says the package featured PG Devin Harris and SF Josh Howard.’’

And from Sports Illustrated:  “The Kevin Garnett rumors turned out to be just that.’’

Listen, we are but a humble fans’ website. (We might be the very best of ‘em all, but we are still humble.) But why does such confusion remain over a KG story that we broke first, then covered exhaustively, and finally closed. … and did a great deal of it with named, on-the-record sources?

It was never Devin AND Josh. … because it was never Josh, as Cuban told me here and at ON THE RECORD. (His quote, in part: “It wasn’t Josh Howard.’’) The KG was much more than a “rumor,’’ as Donnie and Cuban have noted on the record, with Cuban telling “we went after KG hard.’’

“’’ “’’ “Mavs.’’ “Garnett.’’ We politely recommend our colleagues occasionally use … you guessed it. … Google.


ITEM: Golden State has made our old friend Nellie “profoundly unhappy.’’

 Too bad money doesn’t buy happi. … oh, wait a minute. I bet it would.


ITEM: A few days ago, AOL Fanhouse insisted that Dirk is not among the “top 10 NBA cornerstone players.’’ We found the list ridiculous, and said so. One of the many problems we had with the 10 guys listed ahead of The UberMan is that some of them have never been in the Finals, never been an MVP, never even gotten a single vote for MVP.

Now comes the unfortunate news of a season-ending knee injury to supposed “top-10 cornerstone’’ Greg Oden which helps make our point: You can’t be cited for your accomplishments because some sportswriter anticipates you’ll have some.


ITEM: The Mavs re-up Devin Harris. Great, but where’s the circus, the parade, the press conference, even? Has a Cuban Era move ever been this underpublicized? Heck, they didn’t even send out a press release!


ITEM: Speaking of journalistic burps from out friends over at Fanhouse: I read this headline and had to read it twice more before I realized that ex-Mav Calvin Booth isn’t dead.


ITEM: One more Cuban item: What he “mutters to himself’’ during the National Anthem.

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written by randye , September 14, 2007


Love ya like kinfolk and all, and maybe it's that Colorado upbringing, but check out the definition of cachet. It aint where you hide stuff and it ain't dependent on google hits. In a town that was once best known for big hair and killing JFK, Neiman's did bring a certain civilized cachet to Big D.

While elegant design might be a new wrinkle on the 3-4 defense to you and me, it's a big old world out there off the field.

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