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Let's Cast 'Nolan Vs. Cuban,Texas Strangers: The Movie'! Print E-mail
by Mike Fisher    Thu, Aug 5, 2010, 07:23 AM

      Sometimes, a courtroom scene really does play out like they do it on TV. That was the case when the Nolan Ryan/Chuck Greenberg lawyer and the “counsel for the chief restructuring officer’’ exchanged pleasantries in the hallway during Wednesday’s marathon auction for the Rangers.

    “F--- you!’’ said one of the distinguished attorneys.

    “No, f--- you!’’ said the other gentleman.

    Turns out, Mom was right. I am eloquent enough to have been a lawyer!

     This process – ended in the wee hours Thursday with a Ryan/Greenberg winning bid of $593 million – seemed to invite the audience to pick sides. To identify a hero. To identify a villain.

      But don’t let the different-colored hats fool you: Nolan Ryan and foe Mark Cuban were in this fight for the exact same reasons. Allow me to do this in DallasBasketball.com style ... let's Thursday Morning Mavs Donuts this thing ... and cast "Texas Strangers: The Movie.''

 

 

     DONUT 1: I talked to my man Chuck Cooperstein last night for permission to print his wise take on the auction story:

    “If this Rangers bankruptcy case was playing out in New York or Boston it would be the leading story on ‘SportsCenter’ and a lot of other media outlets (CNN, CNBC etc),’’ Coop writes. “That it's not, even with a Hall-of-Famer on one side, and among the most conspicuous of new-breed sports owners on the other, just shows how irrelevant the Rangers have been. It’s an extraordinary story that one day will probably be a book and a movie.’’

 

    DONUT 2: In every movie, we need a villain. The DFW media has been quick to assign black hats and white hats here … one media guy who can be fairly characterized as a “Nolan ally’’ has gone so far as to label the overseeing judge who bothered listening to Cuban’s side as being less than “legally competent.’’ … but I never got that "good-vs.-evil'' vibe here.

 

     DONUT 3: Let's say Ryan’s side wins, as it did. Yay! So the Rangers retain their iconic boss and they stay their present course – and it’s a damn good course.

 

     DONUT 4: Now let's say Cuban’s side won. Yay! The Rangers have the same exact on-field talent, so they also stay their present course. On top of that, they are more financially stable than ever before, more fun than ever before, and one more thing ...

 

     DONUT 5: Maybe Cuban invites Ryan to stay along for the ride.

    That was going to be my Inverted King Solomon hope: That the Rangers baby gets shared by competitors Cuban and Ryan. Best of both worlds. I understand the sentiment that came out of the Rangers clubhouse last night in Seattle; this club, with a very real World Series shot (for the first time ever, really, in the bizarre history of this woeful franchise), loves the Legend of Nolan Ryan.

     But I also bet they would've loved Owner Cuban, the same way his basketball players love him.

     And had Cuban retained Nolan as team president (or even as a minority owner), the Boys of Summer could've loved them both.

 

 

     DONUT 6: Or maybe Cuban -- wary of minority partnerships thanks to Ross Perot Jr.'s Search For The Missing Nickels -- would've put together his own management team. It's notable, though, that the last time Cuban got involved in a team takeover, he surprised the incumbents and kept Don Nelson and crew around. Personally, I could've easy envisioned Cuban and Jon Daniels making nice.

 

 

    DONUT 7: My prediction, had Cuban won the bid? Nolan declines to stay, pulling a Landry and opting for martyrdom. And the DFW media types who enjoy the black-hat/white-hat thing would’ve made a living off of that.

    

     DONUT 8: Indeed, money is what makes this thing go around – for reporters as well as for the bidders.

     ALL of the bidders.

    If you know me, you know I am ALWAYS on the side of the owner (or, at least, the owner who is trying to win). Players and coaches and GMs come and go; owners – good owners – are the ones with their money invested, the ones left holding the bag, the ones responsible for recognizing that they are the curators of a public treasure.

    Tom Hicks blew that.

    Jerry Jones gets that.

    Mark Cuban gets that.

    I assume the Ryan/Greenberg team gets it.

 

    DONUT 9: Review those names again. So which one of those guys is really the villain? There are no newspapers to be sold anymore by trashing Tom Hicks. ... So I guess that means we've got to find ourselves a new target.

 

    DONUT 10: Is Cuban the bad guy because he sought to make money from an acquisition? Nah … unless you think Ryan and Greenberg aren’t seeking to make money from baseball ownership. What do you think Nolan plans to do as an owner? Lose money?

    Hey, had Nolan not gotten his way here, and opted not to accept a position with Cuban’s Rangers, the Texas legend would’ve likely packed his bags, headed south, and tried to buy the Houston Astros.

     Because he wants to make money in the business of baseball. And if it wasn’t going to happen in Arlington, he’d try to make it happen elsewhere.

     Cuban got involved in this process because he is both sportsman and businessman – just like Nolan Ryan is. Same reasons. Same motivations.

 

 

     Don’t let their pre-assigned different-colored hats fool you.

   

 

  DONUT 11: So now it’s time to cast the movie! Fat Bastard is Tom Hicks. I’ve got Texas icon Robert Duvall as Texas icon Nolan Ryan. I’ve got Joaquin Phoenix as Mark Cuban. I’m gonna stick Ross Perot Jr. and his sofa-diving in there and have him played by Macaulay Culkin. Shia LeBeouf is Jon Daniels. Christopher McDonald (Shooter McGavin) is Chuck Greenberg. And then either the chubby George Clooney or the young Conway Twitty is going to play me.

  

  DONUT 12: And the movie has a happy ending, taken from the real-life Mark Cuban, tweeting at 1:30 a.m today:

   Congrats chuck and nolan. Go Rangers !  

 

 

 

 

 

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Discuss this story here at DB.com Boards

851am aug 5 2010

 

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Comments (4)add comment
...
written by furrpiece , August 05, 2010

What class acts these attorneys and their clients are.

One usually has to go someplace where "double-wide" is considered an upgrade to find this level of sophistication, class, and manners.




...
written by Bill Marvel , August 05, 2010

Ah, of course. Lawyers.


...
written by Ohboy , August 05, 2010

Then Cuban ordered a lawsuit to be filed later that morning complaining about unfair bidding practices... Can you say two-faced sonofabi h;?


...
written by rufuslevin , August 08, 2010

Sounds like a meeting of US Congressmen.

I think that f--- you is legaleze for "...and the horse you rode up on".




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