You know it really must have been a slow news day. I usually listen to business news when I work from my home office. It helps to know when the President is lecturing about socialism and forcing the market down a hundred points. Why does he so often lecture during market hours? I guess he can’t help himself. For variety, I occasionally tune the idiot box to a station that reports from the great metro-mess to our north. The idiots were in.

What were the two leads to the local early afternoon news report? Well, a flock of parrots lives in Saginaw, and you can have a better love life without pills! Really? Well Cool! Just think of it, green parrots without pills in romantic pursuit all over Saginaw....No that wasn’t it, not quite. Evidently the Quaker parrot (Myiopsitta monachus) happens to be very adaptive and not very celibate. It is also known as the Monk Parakeet. Locally they can be numerous; the Quakers require no pills. The green and grey Quaker parrot is colonizing protected areas in the U.S.,especially where man’s activities have artificially increased the food supply. So far this has not been a big problems for local wildlife.

The DFW newsies had to rake this over the coals a while, feathers and all. Evidently there were no gang shootings on this particular day. That was a good thing for parrot news.

Quaker parrots are foreign invaders, they reported. A few states have banned them as pets. They can colonize some areas of the country, some of the time.

While Quakers can make it in limited numbers, but they are not Al Quada. English Starlings and English sparrows come much closer. They are not native, which is surprising to some, and they populate much, if not all the United States, while the green, grey and blue feathered Quakers tend to be localized. English Sparrows and Starlings have had a noticeable effect on native bird populations. They are pests and not nearly as cool as small sea colored parrots, but this is an opinion. Maybe I am a pirate at heart. Perhaps I should have run for office.

The television newsies squawked on further after telling us all that being colonized by the wee little birds could be a problem. Please don’t try to catch any of them plead one "reporter" another parrotted that no one should try to harm them. Let’s see, just what is an 11 year old boy supposed to do in his spare time anyway? One pet store expert had already gone on about how the little birdies could go for as much as 200 bucks a piece in a pet store. That is a lot of video games. Was this illegal enticement of a budding entrepreneurs? The little invaders are not protected as most birds are, by law. The experts had already indicated they were undesirable in the wild.

I’m sure upon collection one of the little turquoised Myiopsittas might bite little Johnny. That is what gloves are for. Attempted invader bird wrangling would be have to be more fun and better exercise than a petting zoo. I thought Mrs. Obama wanted us to fight childhood obesity? Let’s get those kids outside, running around and saving the environment for gosh sake!

Now I can’t imagine that a wild caught invading adult bird would make much of a pet, but since these birds are a non-native terrorist species and are plentiful in their native South America, why all the fuss? Has someone put in for stimulus money to assist with population control? Does anyone prominent have skin in this game? This could be a job for Mr. Red Rider and his friends. Maybe a Mr. Remington and Mr. Browning when appropriate as well. How about little Johnny with a live trap? Some of those traps are still made in America. Let’s put Americans back to work.

I guess when little green Monks start chasing non-native collared doves away from my bird feeders I will become concerned. I live in the country, so if that happens I will not be calling animal control.

I will sort it out.

The little parrots breed and nest in colonies which would seem to make urban control easier if it becomes necessary. Word to the wise, last fall while engaged in a conversation with Neal White I spotted two of the little green foreigners within a BB gun’s range of the Waxahachie Daily Light’s office. I realize shooting a BB gun in town is probably not the thing to do, so please don’t scramble a SWAT team. The Cooper’s hawk that was eyeballing the little delicacies probably would appreciate it.

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