A funny little notice cropped up at one Texas university recently. This former Southwest Conference school is generally regarded as a major university, even by its rivals. Its alumni have been successful in everything from the business world to the military and even the arts. One would expect candor on campus. Those old Southwest Conference schools used to produce graduates who were known by and large for having their feet on the ground. From SMU to UT, from Rice to Baylor and A&M, employers expected those mostly Texas graduates to be prepared with good academic training coupled with a real world outlook.

Yet a message recently appeared on a small placard on the tables in the dining halls of one of those universities. It stated,"Going Green . . . For Good. This year, let’s conserve our natural resources. Because there is only one Earth. Give us a hand as we forget the tray. And make our carbon footprint go away."

Ah, such poetry. That’s right, folks: The answer to our environmental concerns is to take away the reusable plastic tray, that modest washable conveyance upon which students stack their dishes, cups and glasses in order to make it through the college cafeteria dining experience.

I wonder how many more dishes are going to be broken by sleep-deprived students as their cafeteria dining experiences are turned into tryouts for juggling acts. OK, so the administration of this particular university has decided that it’s not enough to raise tuition and room and board at an average 7 percent clip the past few years; we now need to save the suds on washing plastic cafeteria trays.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m all for saving money, but when you are raising expenses two to three times faster than the overall rate of inflation year after year, let’s leave a few student conveniences in place – and, while we’re at it, let’s leave off the environmental mumbo jumbo, too. Most of the students see through it. It’s all about the money. As several students told me, the administration could save more water and money by repairing the lawn sprinkler system, anyway. There would be a lot of green in that. Saving money on water – that’s green. Preventing water from being wasted as useless runoff – that’s supposed to be really green.

Since we are now educating a generation of students that was hypnotized in front of the television by Captain Planet and other reactionary programming, you would expect that colleges would be the easiest place to justify cost in the name of environmentalism, but university students are only one target of this type of propaganda.

It seems like every hotel where I have stayed in the last few years has a message on yet another nice little placard near the sink. It usually tries to guilt trip me into reusing my towels. No matter what I am paying for my room, it seems the hotel expects me to define my planetary citizenship by using the same towel and washcloth during my entire stay. No thanks. When I pay for a room – especially in a more expensive facility – I expect fresh towels every morning. I guess that makes me a bad global citizen. I guess if hotel management wants to define me that way, I’ll live with it; just trade out my towels and fluff my pillow. Now, if that same placard said something about keeping expenses down and saving me money in the long run, I might be more cooperative, but let’s keep it real.

Dallas Area Rapid Transit has some of the most ridiculous "green" advertising. A recent television commercial extols the benefits of riding or walking everywhere except where the DART train or bus goes. OK, so in Dallas – an area where it’s often hot and humid seven to eight months a year – we are supposed to get a good sweat up on our way to work. DART also recommends we take shorter showers. Sometime soon maybe they will suggest giving up soap.

After all, DART is set up to serve mostly office workers. If you work in construction or in some manufacturing positions, everyone expects a certain amount perspiration to take place. If you work in an office, a goodly amount of BO is not going to make you popular with your boss or someone’s Aunt Sue. How do you want your bank teller to smell? Let me also go on record as not volunteering to be the one to tell steel workers to take shorter showers, for a number of reasons.

A good walk is healthy thing, but the ad to which I am referring is talking about walking enough that you can "give up your gym membership." The commercial is talking about walking outside – not mall walking, after all – in Dallas, in the summer, before going to the office.

A televised special on global warming advised doing less laundry in order to limit pollution. A "deep green" advocate explained the virtues of merely hanging clothes until the odor goes away. So, who judges whether the odor goes away? There was lush vegetation around this fellow’s home. It looked like he lived in a warm, humid environment. He didn’t appear to have any children or a wife. Perhaps no woman wanted near him. I am just guessing, but it seems logical.

So, I guess if you walk to work through the soupy air of a typical Dallas late spring, early fall or even a summer day, just hang those clothes up and put them on again the next day before you catch the DART train in the morning. Maybe Al Gore will have his pilot dip a wing in salute to those true believers as he wings his way over Dallas en route to his next conference on saving the Earth. Sooner or later, if everyone gets into the act, maybe we won’t notice how gamey our fellow riders are. Yet there are always a few rebels. No doubt a reactionary minority, mostly Republicans, will insist on old-fashioned virtues like bathing.