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FISH'S HAIRY-CHESTED TAKES Print E-mail
by Mike Fisher    Mon, Mar 17, 2008, 04:51 PM

Allow me to get a few things off my hairy chest – including a couple of you-heard-it-here firsts. …

ITEM: You heard it here first: A certain billionaire shopper based in the Great Northwest is preparing to step up and save the Sonics for Seattle. If it goes down, that will leave Clay Bennett in OKC – and trying to move the Hornets out of New Orleans and back to Oklahoma City, where the team received huge support during its brief Katrina-related stint there.

ITEM: You heard this here first, too: Oklahoma State booster T. Boone Pickens has his pocketbook open, ready to steal. … Kansas basketball coach Bill Self, who happens to be an OSU alum.

ITEM: And finally – yes, you heard this here first, too: There is WAY more to the DMNews-blogger being banned from the Mavs locker room. WAY more. And while the paper has turned itself into a martyr here, when the truth emerges – and it will – somebody’s tip’s gonna be caught in a ringer. And it won’t be Mavs management.

ITEM: Watching the Mavs for that one game without Dirk was like watching a PGA event without Tiger.

ITEM: The phenomenon that is Jason Kidd: For the year, he’s averaging 11 points per game. He’s averaging 7.7 rebounds per game. And he’s averaging 10.3 assists per game.

That scoring total is in excess of Stack’s 10 ppg. That rebounding total is in excess of Damp’s 7.4 and Josh’s 7.2. And that assist total is more than the combined assists of the next three top assist guys on the roster.

ITEM: How bad-ass is Chris Mortensen? He gets a cellphone call from Brett Favre and lets it go to voicemail!?

ITEM: Come back, Barack! Come back Hillary! Um. … call me? … I feel so used.

ITEM: Stephen Spielberg has pulled away from his planned involvement in the Beijing Olympics. He pulled a hammy on the Pommel horse.

ITEM: UTA has a basketball team. Who knew?

ITEM: Bruce Bowen can stay in the NBA. But his foot should be banned for life.

ITEM: Yes, the Rockets’ streak is impressive. Almost as impressive: Despite the streak, the Mavs are still within a whisper of Houston in the standings.

ITEM:  I’m troubled by the Pope’s decision to burden us with seven more sins. (To my relief, not on Benedict XVI’s ban list: My media credential to Mavs games.)

ITEM:  I’ve got my Gov. Eliot Spitzer joke half-written. “Spitzer Swallows’’ is the punchline; I’m still crafting the setup.

By now, we take Dirk Nowitzki for granted. And the national media does him even worse. So of course the defending MVP isn’t going to get many votes this year.

But…

He was the MVP a year ago due to his numbers: 24.6 points, 8.9 rebounds and 3.4 assists. Well, don’t look now, but The UberMan is presently at 23.6/8.7/3.7. You want efficiency? In these five straight blowout wins, he’s scored 120 points in 136 minutes

ITEM:  The Byron Nelson won’t include Tiger and Phil, but will include halter tops and margaritas. So for me, the lure is still there.

ITEM:  Best way to win your March Madness bracket? Since I’ve never won, I guess the best way to win is to get in a pool that I’m in.

ITEM:  If Parcells ‘won’t put up with silliness,’ as is his rep, what’s Dolphins star Jason Taylor doing on ‘Dancing With The Stars’?

ITEM:  Pitchers and catchers have reported to Spring Training. For the Rangers, maybe some real pitchers will report in, say, 2011.

ITEM:  Best No. 91 in DFW sports history: Dennis Rodman or Brad Richards?

Avery Johnson, master of the trite soundbite. New nickname: Cliché-vry Johnson.

ITEM:  Paul McCartney’s divorce from Heather Mills costs him $50 million! That’s … $50 million per leg!

ITEM:  These teams griping they got unfairly shut out by March Madness … if you’re claiming to be something more than the 66th best team, should you really be griping?

ITEM: Mark Cuban on the value of Dirk now being the Mavs’ all-time leading scorer: “Maybe it’ll get him laid someday.’’

ITEM: Oh, OK, one more "you heard it here first": If the Cowboys decide that accountability and responsibility and maturity are important components of a potential draftee, they have a first-hand reason to pass on the Michigan WR Mario Manningham, the guy penciled in on so many mock drafts as a future Cowboy.

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