Every time I write about Tony Romeo, I feel like the Arizona Cardinals. I feel like Wile E. Coyote. I feel like Mike Huckabee.

I feel silly. I feel cartoonish. I feel like I have no chance of winning.

But here I go again, unbridled in my pursuit of Romoeroticism, because it is my job.

The reason I can’t win here is, if I don’t write about it, I fear Scout.com will start getting its ass kicked by TMZ.com, People, and US Weekly. But if I do write about it, I know some of y’all are gonna wanna lean out of the driver’s side window of your Ford 150, spit tobaccy juice into my punk-journo face, and squeal away with a hearty “Yeeeehaaaaw!’’

(Just kidding about the redneck characterization. I’m ALL Texan, baby, and frequently yell “Yeeeehaaaw!’’ as I nibble politely on my tea and crumpets.)

Anyway, here goes – and spit if you must:

According to Cosmopolitan magazine -- taking a break from "10 Different Ways To Please Your Man'' even though the "ways'' are always the same every month -- Tony Romo has been named a winner of the “Fun Fearless Male of the Year Award.’’

Among the other studly honorees: Actor Peter Krause, actor John Krasinski, singer Chris Brown, rapper Common, Animal Planet’s Dave Salmoni, MySpace co-founder Tom Anderson, actor Dave Annable, and three more guys with a weird connection:

Singer John Meyer, comic Dane Cook and Our Own Tony have all. … um. … dated. … Ms. Simpson.

Now, what exactly qualifies these dudes as “the most fun and the most fearless’’?

Well, first of all – no offense, boys – they were available. I mean, we can assume that George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Tiger Woods and Tom Brady said “no thanks,’’ right?

Any other qualifications? 

“Well,’’ said Romo, noting that Meyer and Cook were on the list, “I guess if you date Jessica Simpson, that makes you fearless!’’

While on some sort of press junket or something (yes, the Cowboys QB does “press junkets’’), Romo addressed the engagement rumors. He and his sweetheart both shut that down.

They are, of course, having too much fun and being too fearless.

People mag asked him, “Would Jessica call you fun and fearless?’’
Responded Tony, probably a little bit smart-aleky: “Yeah, sure. Though we don't usually have conversations about how fun and fearless I am, but I'm a pretty fun guy. I joke a lot.’’

Now, I should tell you, Romo was also busy recently doing stuff like stumping for Flozell Adams to get signed. And the Cowboys star promises he’s ready to get back to a more normal quarterback’s life.

“I’m just trying to be a good person, trying to work hard and do things the right way,’’ said Tony, adding that next on his schedule he’ll “probably just hang out with the guys, you know, get away a little bit and get back home.’’

Good. It’s just about that moment to leave the “fun-and-fearless’’ frivolity to somebody who has more free time on his hands, somebody with nothing more important to do.

Hey, Mike Huckabee!

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