ITEM: Jason Kidd’s coming to the Mavs. And now Avery Johnson can sit down, buckle up, and try to avoid a sideline aneurysm caused by over-coaching.

ITEM: T.O. wins NBA’s Celebrity All-Star Game MVP. ‘Course, all he had to do was get more votes than Queen Latifah and Frankie Muniz.

ITEM: The 75-Member Staff has finally figured out the reason Devean George was unwilling to accept his role in the Jason Kidd trade proposal: George and Trenton Hassell share an agent. Their agent, Mark Bartelstein, is the one running this deal, trying to get Hassell to be moved to New Jersey, thus rejuvenating his career while allowing George to remain with the contending Mavs. Nobody has told me this yet. But you can book it.

ITEM: Meanwhile, it looks like the NBA would’ve found no evidence of tampering as it involves Jerry Stackhouse’s comments regarding the scenario that would’ve had him go to Jersey, get bought out, and then return to Dallas. (A “boomerang,’’ we’re calling it.) Nevertheless, the veteran’s nickname forever more should be “Jerry Stackmouth.’’

ITEM: You go ahead and keep saying there isn’t enough evidence against Clemens if you wish. But let me suggest a hypothetical situation to you: Legendary baseball player extends his career’s length against all odds. It is never established for certain that he used steroids. But later it is discovered that his BEST FRIEND used steroids and that his WIFE used steroids. Would that start to look a little bit like evidence?

ITEM: Latrell Sprewell is broke. Turns out he really did ‘have a family to feed.’

ITEM: Today’s Lakers star, Kobe, didn’t want to play in the All-Star Game due to a hurt pinky. Yesterday’s Lakers star, Magic, played in the All-Star Game WHILE HE WAS DYING OF AIDS!

ITEM: The Mavs’ trade thing was getting confusing. I heard that for a second there they almost traded with the Flint Tropics to get “Will Ferrell as Jackie Moon.’’

ITEM: Brady Quinn yells gay-bashing comments while in front of a gay bar. Um, whatcha doin’ there, big boy?

ITEM: Want evidence to support the notion that the Mavs are better off with Kidd than with Devin? Check out the bitching from other NBA GM’s who wonder if Dallas did something illegal. The only reason for them to squawk is because they don’t want Kidd to be a Mav. And the only reason they wouldn’t want that is because the Mavs are better with Kidd.

ITEM: Yes, the Mavs have some egg on their faces here. But you know is really scraping the yolks off their mugs? ESPN.com. Every 15 minutes, the outlet reported that the deal is “alive,’’ then reported that it’s “dead,’’ then said sources claimed “the league will veto it’’ then reported that “the league won’t veto it.’’ It almost seems some of the gang over there is just making stuff up. They wouldn’t do that just to build up readership. … would they?

ITEM: It’s weird and gross that Brian McNamee kept used syringes and cottonballs for years, just in case. Makes McNamee look weird and gross. But you know, it also makes Clemens look weird and gross; was Roger always perceived by his friend to be such a liar that McNamee thought of defending himself years in advance? It’s the player-trainer version of a pre-nup.

ITEM: Kelvin Sampson even cheats at cheating!

ITEM: How much a difference will Nolan Ryan make to the Rangers? I dunno; how hard can he still throw?

ITEM: Not to say Shaq is breaking down physically, but I have a feeling his new uniform in Phoenix will come complete with lapels, a collar and a tie. If you know what I mean.

ITEM: Bobby Knight quits on Texas Tech with 10 games to play. If a Knight player did that, Bobby would kill him. Does that mean Bobby Knight is about to kill himself?

ITEM: Mark Cuban keeps saying ‘We love our team.’ Which he does – but that doesn’t mean there can’t be a nasty post-playoffs breakup.

ITEM: Wow, steroids were so commonplace that even Roger Clemens’ WIFE was getting injected? Cripes. I’m starting to feel a little left out.

ITEM: Feb. 13, 2008, a day that will live in sports infamy: The most powerful man in football was gnarled Sen. Arlen Specter. The most powerful man in baseball was sleazy trainer Brian McNamee. And the most powerful man in basketball was scrubby swingman Devean George.

ITEM: Just in time for Bill Parcells’ arrival in Miami, Dolphins star Jason Taylor is signing on to participate in “Dancing With The Stars.’’ Good. Let the torture of InfaliBill begin.

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