You know the old saying: “What Happens In Vegas, Stays In Vegas – Unless It’s Stolen O.J. Simpson Memorabilia, In Which Case It’ll Be Used As Exhibit A In Another Simpson Trial.’’ Well, what’s happening in Sin City right now is the ascent of your 2-0 Dallas Cowboys.
My top 10 takes on the Cowboys’ 37-20 road drubbing of the Dolphins (and other stuff):
10) Let’s begin with Sin: Las Vegas has the Cowboys among the favorites to win their division. They are among the favorites to win the NFC Championship. They are among the favorites to win the Super Bowl. More immediately – but no less astoundingly – they are but modest 2-point underdogs to the defending NFC-champion Bears in next Sunday night’s showcase showdown.
9) You’ve seen that Brett Favre commercial for Wrangler Jeans in which he plays a touch-football game with the gang. Watch closely next time and you’ll see Brett inexplicably toss one of his notorious, unconventional and “magical’’ passes. (Favre pulls off a no-looker).
Dallas QB Tony Romo, as you know idolizes and emulates Favre. So natually, Romo also performed a little unconventional magic with his desperation push pass for a TD to billionth-string tight end Tony Curtis. Romo’s trick was a beauty. Favre’s? I hear that what the Wrangler ad doesn’t show you is that in the staged touch-football game, Brett threw five picks.
8) With five takeaways against Miami – and almost that many defensive starters missing due to injury – Dallas can argue that its defense is simply climbing a learning curve following a Week 1 victory in which it surrendered 35 points. Nice to see that the touted “Phillips 3-4’’ is meant to describe an alignment, and not a points-allowed-per-game total.
7) The Cowboys’ offense is averaging 41 points per game. Of course, if it continues to perform this way for more than four hours without going limp, the team is instructed to contact a doctor. Or Wade Wilson.
6) Roy Williams had an interception! So he may be kind oflike a statue back there. … but maybe he’s one of those movable statues. You know, like a street performer painted bronze who can do The Robot Dance and stuff.
5) New England is among the few teams that looks as sharp as Dallas. Well, “sharp’’ may be the wrong word, given coach Bill Belichick’s droopy wardrobe. Nice to see his ethics are as polished as his outfits.
4) Speaking of the Patriots and their uses of cameras to cheat: Is the media so lacking in cleverness that we must call every controversy and every scandal “(Something)Gate’’? Watergate was 34 years ago. We got nothing new? This is being called “CameraGate,’’ “SpyGate’’ and “PatriotsGate.’’ I believe it’s time to retire the Gate. Maybe the media will finally become away of its corniness when Antonio Gates or Bill Gates is involved in a controversy and reporters label it “GatesGate.’’
3) Chicago? The defending NFC champs are 1-1. Of course, they’re the only team in football that tries to keep it’s OWN offense OFF the field. I hear Lovie is thinking about putting Devin Hester at quarterback, only he’ll be positioned 40 yards deep in the backfield. Sure, they’ll run into some tough second-and-40 situations. But they already feel like they face some of those with Rex Grossman at quarterback.
2) Last week Romo won NFC Offensive Player of the Week by engineering 45 points. What’s going to happen to him on the awards circuit THIS week, a surprise Emmy victory over Gandolfini?
1) Finally, O.J. Simpson and some thugs use a gun to bust into a Las Vegas hotel room and steal some O.J. Simpson memorabilia. Um, it’s junk with his autograph on it. Couldn’t he just, you know, re-scribble his autograph on other junk?