TERRY GLENN UPDATE: Depending on the media outlet. … Terry Glenn is out for a week. Or two weeks. Or the year. Or for his career. Or he’s being buried alongside Pavarotti. I’m tellin’ ya, kids – and I say this with all the humility I can muster -- Cowboys beat-writing ain’t what it used to be.
FIGHTIN’ CUBAN: Who says Mark Cuban isn’t signing enough impact guys this summer?
FIGHTIN’ CUBAN II: Speaking of professional fighting,
THIS IS A SCOOP?: I know it’s my own fault. Scoop Jackson keeps writing, I keep trying to ignore Scoop Jackson’s writing. … and then dammit, he sucks me back in with his unique combination of absurdity and incompetence.
Scoop’s latest ESPN.com effort (and yes, he gets paid for this): It’s like a journalistic train wreck. You will not be able to look away.
THE UNNATURAL, NATURALLY: So “The Natural’’ Rick Ankiel is a steroid guy, too? What’s the hubbub, bub? Did somebody really think your average professional baseball player hasn’t sampled it, dabbled in it or jumped head-first into a tank of it? It’s time for me to tell this story again: I’m at a Christmas party a couple of years ago, and I meet a gang of guys, a half-dozen of them, who played Single A ball together. And 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, all six of ‘em confirmed that in their attempts to climb the baseball ladder that OF COURSE they did steroids!
So can we stop with the slack-jawed shock already?
R U READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL?: The Colts are fun to watch, huh?
THE STARTING NINE: Nobody at NBC Sports has any right to ever make fun of the fact that Travis Henry has nine babies by nine women. Because NBC Sports’ Sunday Night Football announcing team also has nine babies by nine women.
SHAQ SPLITSVILLE: In a piece of news out of Miami that somehow surprises me not one bit,
POINT-SHAVING: So goes the Stars’ ad campaign, the marketing equivalent of wrapping your fists in tinfoil.
WE’RE A POWER AGAIN! Good news: Bad news: Anything short of gold is again unacceptable.
ASSISTING THE ASSISTANT: A Cowboys assistant is suspended for steroid use. Hey, those whistles and clipboards can get heavy! Seriously, QB coach Wade Wilson is a straight-shootin’ clean-cuttin’ kinda guy. Firt report:
Biggest angle there: Any Dallas observer who thought Wade Wilson would be the first Cowboy suspended – way ahead of, say, Terrell Owens – just won himself the office pool.
But now comes an update: Wade took stuff to combat. … um. .. something. His media cooperation is appreciated.
IS IT STILL BASEBALL SEASON?: Time for the Rangers to call up minor-leaguers who might not be able to play. Or did they already do that in April?
FEDERER-ER-ER: Blake goes down. Roddick goes down. Nadal goes down. The US Open being won by Federer? That’s redundant-er.
NOT ALIVE AT FIVE: Michigan, ranked No. 5 as the college football season begins, Nice system, NCAA. The all-important college rankings are a joke before they even begin.
NICE DOGGY: How many pit bulls have to chew on how many humans before the owners quit claiming to be ‘surprised’?
FANTASY ISLAND: If you just drafted Byron Leftwich in your Fantasy Football League. … hey, my league has an opening if you want in.
HIT THE GYM: Martin Gramatica injured a muscle? What muscle?
BANK SHOT: Headline: ‘.’ Geez, now they skip right past ‘prize money’ and just award actual banks?!