ITEM: By now, even people who LIKE to kill dogs are backing off from supporting Michael Vick. … except for Stephon Marbury. Steph wants you to know that electrocuting, drowning and strangling dogs is no different from hunting for deer.

ITEM: Meanwhile, Vick will reportedly fall short of admitting he was a dogfighter when he nevertheless pleads guilty on Monday. This news in conflict with an interview with his father, who says dogfighting has “always been Mike’s thing.’’

Geez. With friends (and Dads) like that, who needs enemies?

ITEM: Thanks the US Open cameramen for the exclusive shots of Tiger's baby, who looks so. ... exactly like everybody else's babies.

ITEM: Esquire's 'Best-Dressed Men' includes the Pope, who of course, rocks the miter hat. Let's see Tom Brady try that!

ITEM: Beckham draws 66,000 in New York. Now if only all the MLS teams played in NYC. And now if only all of them employed a Beckham.

ITEM: They were fitting Barry Bonds for a crown before they realized they didn’t make crowns that big.

ITEM: Our friend Bill Ingram at Hoopsworld is urging the Mavs to sign Charles Oakley. Now, Bill gets credit for thinking outside the box, but. … well, I’ve got some doubts about the entire reasoning. Like, is Dirk really going to 'get tough' because somebody tells him to? And  is Dirk really not 'tough'? And would a thrown elbow really have beaten GS? And if Willis was here to add tough teaching, and Dallas still lost to GS because we weren't tough enough, how does that mean 'another Willis' will help?And hell, why not just sign Willis? And can’t stack teach toughness? Avery? Devean? Josh? And should we really use a roster spot on a coach? And this 'players listen to players' thing...if Robert Parish thinks players don't respect their elders, how does that add up to Dirk respecting elder Oakley? And if Oakley doesn't work out, can we call Wes Unseld or Willis Reed?

ITEM: Who can save baseball? I nominate Rick Ankiel and Mike Bacsik.

ITEM: Madden 08 is out, adding another generation of kids who have no idea what John Madden used to be.

ITEM: Pacman wants to wrestle? Now, even the little yellow video-game character is embarrassed.

ITEM: So I’m watching some Little League World Series stuff and I’m struck by two things: 1) Which part of “Little’’ don’t these massive pitchers understand? And 2) Do any non-white kids play baseball in America anymore?

ITEM: No, wait a minute. Now Pacman is going to be a singer. I’m writing a song for him called ‘Making It Rain.’

ITEM: Forget Greg Ellis' physical health; I think the man is batspit crazy.

ITEM: Eddie Griffin is dead. He was internationally recognized as a jackass a week ago. Now that at 25 he’s no longer with us, I’m interested to see if he’s dishonestly eulogized as anything but a jackass. As I’ve said before, at my wake, please don’t tell the assembled that I was any handsomer, smarter or nicer than I was. Death shouldn’t make somebody more saintly.

ITEM: Also dead: Phil Rizzuto. They shoulda let George Constanza bury him in the street in front of Jerry Seinfeld’s apartment.

ITEM: Stephen A. Smith is going down. But I bet he goes down kicking, screaming, and screaming some more.

ITEM: Drew Carey got hurt hosting 'The Price Is Right,' I hear, because Bob Barker tried to spay or neuter him.

ITEM: All the money in the world wouldn’t make Nellie happy. Unless Golden State gives him, you know, like, all the money in the world.

ITEM: The late Darrent Williams is buried in Fort Worth, and his gravesite needs work. So the Denver Post’s Woody Paige takes up a collection for the former Bronco, and interestingly, not every reader thinks it’s such a worthy cause.

ITEM: Marion Barber III’s new agent is none other than the notorious Drew Rosenhaus. This might be troubling news for the Cowboys, who will have to deal with the obnoxious blowhard. But, honestly, it’s good news for MB3, because if you’re a stud, Drew gets you your money.

ITEM: Lots of smart-ass commentators are making “Michael-Vick-in-prison-will-have-unwanted-boyfriends’’ jokes. Call me naïve, but I bet Vick – a multi-millionaire QB, a leader of men, a rock star, a badass, an icon among some in the black community – will be the king of the yard. So let’s reserve those jokes for the likes of Tim Donaghy.

ITEM: As promised: If Donaghy goes to prison, will his new friends teach him another meaning for ‘over/under’? How about for "covering the spread''?

ITEM: Doctors say Barry Bonds' home-run ball might not be worth much because it might shrink to the size of a raisin.

ITEM: Seacrest to host FOX Super Bowl telecast. Dunkleman to watch the game alone, at home, in his mother’s basement.

ITEM: S-A-L-T-A-L-A-M-A-C-C-H-I-A. And with that, I'm out of room on this page.

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