Sixty-six-hot-dogs-worth of notebook items. ...

ITEM: I admit it: Maybe it was Xenophobic of me, or something, but I not only actually watched The Fourth of July Hot-Dog Eating Contest Thing. … I even rooted for one of the guys. The Joey Chestnut guy. The ‘Merican. An amazing feat. Joey Chestnut consumed 66 weiners. Plus, I assume, countless gallons of his own puke.

ITEM: OK, I admit it: I’m about ready to back off on the KG-to-the-Mavs angle. Doesn’t mean what I wrote wasn’t true when I wrote it. It just means it’s less true now. Or something like that.

ITEM: Jimmy Kimmel’s hosting the ESPYs. In case you hadn’t heard.

ITEM: Chinese basketball star Yi doesn’t want to live in Milwaukee. Which makes him seem like a pretty typical American.

ITEM: Mavs re-sign Stack and George. Meaning the Free-Agent Fireworks Show is a fizzler.

ITEM: Congratulations to Tony Parker and that-little-Hispanic-actress-who-is-on-the-cover-of-every-single-magazine-in-the-world. The only problem at Eva Longoria’s fancy Paris wedding: Being French, Tony also wanted to wear a dress.

ITEM: All hail July 24! Cowboys training camp is coming. But because it’s only two weeks long, Cowboys training camp is also going.

ITEM: I named my sons “Nate’’ and “Tony.’’ I figured the names were uncommon enough that there wouldn’t be five other “Nates’’ and five other “Tonys’’ in each of their elementary-grade classes. But at the same time, “Nate’’ and “Tony’’ aren’t so uncommon as to make them difficult to spell or pronounce. So basically, I’m an expert on the subject of naming boys. Therefore, allow me to offer some advice to parents of prospective NFL’ers who wish their sons to remain trouble-free: Don’t name your son ‘Tank.’ Or ‘Pacman.’

ITEM: I tried to watch ESPN’s featute, “Who’s Now.’’ They almost got me when they compared Terrell Owens to A-Rod. But then, alas, they lost me when they compared, I think, Peyton Manning to Amanda Beard.

“Who’s Now’’? Who Cares?

ITEM: Ah, the All-Star Break: The traditional time when the Texas Rangers collect themselves and organize their excuses (the heat!) for why they are about to take a second-half dive.

ITEM: I’m rich! Jason Witten’s mom has written me a check! I’m rich!. … aren’t I?

ITEM: Seriously, couldn't the Hot Dog Eating Championship cameras double their programming by going backstage, after the competition, to film the bloated competitors coping with their pain? It'd beat watching The Spelling Bee Thing, anyway.

Comments (0)

Comment	smaller | bigger
Name
Write the displayed characters
Subscribe via email (Registered users only) I have read and agree to the Terms of Usage.
	Add Comment