Immigration laws for sports, SuperNikeBabies, "Kittens vs. Cougars,'' Willa Ford on The Fish's sexuality, and a Jerry Jones breakup? Let's do this Item by Item. ...

ITEM: Top issue at Wimbledon: Kittens or Cougars?

ITEM: The Pittsburgh paper, spit-balling, I guess, kind of predicts that Jerry Jones will fire Wade Phillips after this season and replace him with Steelers ex Bill Cowher. “It wouldn't surprise anyone,’’ the paper speculates, “if Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones fired Wade Phillips after just one season to make a pitch for him.’’

Ridiculous. I’ll take that bet. I’m not predicting greatness yet for Wade and the ‘Boys. But there is chemistry between Wade and Jerry. There is chemistry between Wade and his roster. And there is a commitment from Wade and his coaching staff.

“It wouldn’t surprise anyone’’? Wrong. A dismissal of Wade Phillips after one season would shock anyone who’s done 15 minutes of homework.

ITEM: Chancellor David Stern’s NBA so good at fake drama they’ve actually created an Oden-Durant debate where one should not be.

ITEM: QB Jon Kitna says his Lions will win ‘more than 10 games.’ Sure. And they have the rest of the decade to do it.

ITEM: A new Rangers contract for GM Jon Daniels. Yes! Because surely every other team in baseball wanted to steal him away.

ITEM: Jason Terry’s personal chef steals $52,000 from the good-guy Mav. That’s what I call “Hell’s Kitchen.’’

ITEM: Speaking of JET: One more example of a deceptive end-around – or maybe it’s a deceptive non-deception – comes from my man Newy Scruggs and his visit with Avery Johnson. “Jason Terry is going to be a Maverick,’’  pledges Avery. But then Newy suggests that it could be a smokescreen. Maybe. … but while Avery might be wise, is he really devious?

ITEM: The unfortunate effect of losing a singular playoff series: The Mavs are now victims of low comedy. In AOL Fanhouse’s Mavs draft preview, the essence of the piece is noting how Dallas “plays below the rim,’’ lack “toughness,’’ and should draft “a set of testicles.’’

Sixty-seven wins, people. Sixty-seven wins.

 ITEM: The Nets are apparently ready to keep rolling with Vince. From the perspective of a fan of the Western Conference, that appears to be a spinnin’-your-wheels move. New Jersey’s mediocre; why not get better? But in the East, the Nets are legit contenders – and made to feel even more confident in that belief (along with a dozen other clubs) because of the Cavs’ ascent and fall.

 ITEM: Kevin Durant had a better workout for Portland than did Greg Oden? Be careful, Blazers. … you’re about to let 15 minutes of indecision overrule 15 months of study. Paralysis through over-analysis?

 ITEM: The 75-Member Staff had a wonderful time riding the wave of Mark Cuban and Mike Modano of The Reebok Heroes Celebrity Baseball Weekend. I had a charming conversation with Mrs. Cuban. I was left with the impression that Devean George really likes it here and that Devin Harris really thinks he’s going to be the quarterback here. I enjoyed hobnobbing with media types Joe Trahan (and his better half), Mark Followill (and his better half) and Bob Ortegel, who was a stag stud.

But my visit with Willa Ford – Modano’s sweetheart – was the most entertaining. She can sing! She can dance! She can act! And she has a sense of humor, because when it was suggested to her that Modano and I had once been lovers, she went along with it.

Which is kind of insulting, now that I think about it.

ITEM: I think Sam Alexis Woods and Bryce Maximus James should grow up and marry. And then have SuperNikeBabies!

ITEM: So the NEXTEL Cup event winner is a driver named “Juan Pablo Montoya.’’ And the US Open winner is a golfer named “Angel Cabrera.’’ No wonder America’s immigration debate is heating up.

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