ITEM: Mark Cuban got himself a colonoscopy. “Easy and breezy,’’ says Tony Cubes, who will nevertheless continue to gleefully be a pain in certain other people’s butts.

ITEM: I’m having lunch this week with new Cowboys defensive coordinator Brian Stewart. That means Brian will be talking to me, which is a change from the Parcells Regime, during which assistant coaches weren’t allowed to speak to the media. Because it’s lunch, it also means Brian will be eating. I hear Parcells sometimes didn’t even allow that, unless the assistant moaned to Bill, “Please sir, I want some more.’’

ITEM: It's weird that I'm so anti-dog-fighting considering how I barely even like people.

ITEM: The NBA Finals included the least-watched game of all-time. But they lost me by that Sunday night Game 2. “I Am A Witness”? Yeah, by the fourth quarter I was a witness to The Tony Awards.

ITEM: Kobe was in Spain. Lakers owner Dr. Jerry Buss was in China. So they had a meeting. Hey, why not swing across a couple of continents to hear The Drama Queen whine some more, only this time maybe en Espanol?

Kobe still wants out, still thinks life isn’t fair and still desires to serve as the Lakers de facto GM. No word on, while he’s vacationing in Spain, whether he’s allegedly raped any senoritas.

ITEM: Congratulations to Tiger Woods, who this week lost the US Open but gained his first child (the girl is Sam Alexis Woods). Oh, and while he finished second in the golf tournament, with the help of Nike’s tight-fitting clothes he did win Oakmont’s annual “Wet T-Shirt Contest.’’

ITEM: Interesting to note that while the rest of the world found Dallas’ mayoral race somehow compelling (the “gay mayor’’ thing was written up from D.C. to Paris to Tokyo), only 85,000 or so actually Dallasites agreed.

Would I be correct in assuming that there are more than 85,000 Dallasites interested in Sammy Sosa’s 600^th? In the Mavs’ re-signing Jerry Stackhouse? In something as mundane as the Cowboys’ situation at left tackle?

I’m not complaining. Or trying to make some deep-as-a-Frisbee social statement. I’m just sayin’. …

ITEM: The Rangers, baseball’s worst team, are talking about giving 29-year-old GM Jon Daniels a contract extension. You go ahead and fill in your own punchline right here.

ITEM: Randy Galloway’s interview with Avery confirms what we’ve said in this space repeatedly about Devin Harris. But allow us to say it again: If ex-point guard Avery Johnson cannot transform young point guard Devin Harris into a star, it is an indictment of Devin … and of Avery.

ITEM: Gotta admit, maybe the best way to get Sacto to become good fast is to hire Larry Brown. … though once that’s done, the Maloofs had better get out of his way. Being Larry Brown’s owner in the NBA is like being Jimmy Johnson’s owner in the NFL: You start out thinking you’re his owner. You end up feeling like he’s yours.

ITEM: As teased and promised, there is a dog-fighting angle or two to be pursued as it relates to the Cowboys. And as per your requests, I’ll dig around. (And hope that when I dig, I don’t find any dead carcasses in Valley Ranch backyards.)

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