This week’s two candidates for the adult version of Prom King: Alex Rodriguez and Tony Romo. But despite the broads and the late nights and the paparazzi, there is a difference. Tony Romeo is real. A-Rod is A-Fraud.

As I’ve gently tried to suggest in my writings before, Alex Rodriguez is a goody-two-shoes fake whose carefully crafted reputation has somehow constantly remained one step ahead of his feet-of-clay truth.

The real A-Rod wouldn’t be so irritating (and wouldn’t be anybody’s business, really) if not for the creation of A-Fraud, a cultivated façade best exemplified by the nauseatingly naïve column written about him by Sports Illustrated’s legendary Rick Reilly. A couple of years ago, Reilly apparently spent a weekend with the Yankees star, and wrote – with no tongue in cheek – about Alex’s modest choice in vehicles. And his preference of milk over beer. And how he eats cookies for a midnight snack. And how instead of carousing – “I’m not a nightclub guy,’’ A-Rod has insisted -- he prefers to spend his evenings, at home with his wife, watching a replay of that night’s Yankees game. … and then watching it again.

Nursed by milk. And cookies. Seriously, Reilly bought it and wrote it.

The usually astute Reilly didn’t even blink when he asked A-Rod what he does when he wants to get “crazy.’’ Alex responded that he enjoys visiting the museum to eye “the Impressionists.’’

Sure. As long as “the Impressionists’’ let him slip dollar bills into their panties.

The truth? My gentlemanly nature (and my team of fancy lawyers) precludes me from just coming right out with it, but let me put it this way: The New York Post photo and story that A-Rod spent the night wining and dining and strip-clubbing and hoteling with a woman not his wife is not news to me. Or to anybody who knew of A-Rod’s nocturnal habits while he played in Texas. Or to anybody who knows that every once in awhile he, er, swings, back into Dallas to hang at a nightclub (Iniquity) that caters to his particular leanings. (My man Richie Whitt, by the way, broke all this info years ago.

Oh, and while it’s news to SI and anybody else who believes A-Rod favors cookies over nookies . … let’s see, how to say this. … his wife will not be surprised to know that A-Rod was with some random blonde. Because there have been times when Mr. and Mrs. Rodriguez have gotten cozy with lots of blondes. And the blondes’ husbands.

Romo, meanwhile, isn’t sneaking around on anybody. The Cowboys QB is very openly part of two depth charts: One includes Brad Johnson and Matt Baker. The other includes Orlando Bloom and Lindsay Lohan and Jude Law and Paris Hilton.

To say Romo’s social life is a whirlwind right now would be a gross understatement; to paint a Hollywood analogy, he seems as preposterous and out of control as the wind-blown cow doing flyovers in the movie “Twister.’’

But there he is, mentioned on E! and featured in gossip rags and pursued by cameras and carrying a purse for Carrie Underwood and maybe carrying a torch for Jessica Simpson and carrying the vote so Miss Japan can top the field in a controversial Miss Universe 2007 pageant. And just to throw a pinch of football into his life, there is former teammate Keyshawn Johnson, carrying a knife so as to plunge it into his old QB’s back.

Some rules of conduct don’t apply for Romo (or his critics) now that’s he’s moved to the sort of position usually reserved for the likes of David Hasselhoff and Simon Cowell, celebrity arbiter of whether or not another human is deserving of being a celebrity. There he was this week, Romo as a judge in the Miss Universe Contest, surrounded by a) Miss USA slipping onto her derriere, no doubt wishing she’d worn the duct tape under her shoes instead of under her breasts; b) Mexican natives booing everything American as a way of protesting our immigration issues; c) one contestant changing her clothes after somebody noticed that a dress depicting rebels being hung might hurt her chances of winning; and d) Miss Sweden withdrawing because she found the event “degrading.’’

People, Tony Romo is judging a beauty contest! Of course it’s degrading!

I’m going to continue to assume that none of this serves as a distraction to a centerpiece of the Cowboys, a guy management felt so comfortable with that Dallas passed on Brady Quinn. I’m going to continue to assume that this is no Tony Romoron, that he is as appreciative as always of his rags-to-riches backstory – and of how quickly a former undrafted free agent can undo everything and revert back to rags. I’m going to continue to assume that while Tony plays Romeo (dating Idol-singer Underwood, rumored to be the man-meat desire of pop-tart Simpson, getting goo-goo-eyed looks from women in swimsuits and from 600 million worldwide TV viewers) he is still the possessor of a competitive heart at least as big as his ears.

I also believe that Tony Romo’s offseason habits are really no different than those of most other NFL quarterbacks, or of Cowboys who preceded him.

 Present-day, Tom Brady functions as a one-man Beverly Hills sperm-donor clinic, the Giants’ backup QB is married to the cute girl on “The View’’ (no, not Rosie) and when a certain veteran superstar quarterback escapes the wife, he behaves like an entire fleet of sailors on shore leave. (No, I won’t say who. Just trust me.)

And old Cowboys? Don Meredith was a Hollywood actor with a Playboy rep. Troy Aikman was in love with Lorrie Morgan. Rodney Peete married Holly Robinson. And who knows what sort of sensual shenanigans took place when the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders teamed up with the Harlem Globetrotters on Gilligan’s Island?

Romo’s out-of-season habits, though, are magnified in this internet/blogosphere/camera-phone era. And magnified, even, by ex-teammates trying to get themselves some pub by riding on Romo’s coattails.

Which takes us to Keyshawn Johnson.

Newly hired at ESPN (and I guess ABC, thus the suggestion that he might someday sub for Regis Philbin, or hell, maybe Key is the next Ted Koppell), Johnson is trying to make an early impression. So when somebody asked him to name the NFL’s “most overhyped player,’’ Key answered:

“Tony Romo.’’

“Tony Romo,’’ Johnson said. “He’s with the Dallas Cowboys. He’s played five games. He’s an overhyped deal.’’

There are numerous flaws in Johnson’s position. Like, um, facts. Romo, as you know (even if Keyshawn doesn’t) actually has started 10 regular-season games. And played well enough to start a playoff game, and to play in a Pro Bowl.

Another flaw? Maybe Keyshawn should consider a bit more deeply the fraternal line he’s crossing when criticizing, in a slap-dash manner, NFL players. Many ex-Cowboys, deeper thinkers than he, have discussed with me the thought behind their decisions to smoothly transition from player to broadcaster. Daryl Johnson and Darren Woodson are two of those people, and both are way ahead of the game (and in terms of quality work, way ahead of Keyshawn) because of it.

And another flaw: Maybe the only reason Tony Romo is a candidate to be the NFL’s most overhyped player is because Keyshawn Johnson, having just “retired,’’ is ineligible for the honor.

Keyshawn Johnson: The man who was the No. 1 overall pick in the 1996 Draft, the man who in his first two NFL seasons despite only averaging 66 catches a year became a “superstar’’ because he played in New York, the man who got kicked off a Super Bowl team, the man who wrote an empty autobiography after his rookie season. … he’s calling somebody else “overhyped’’?

Hey, they’re ALL overhyped. That’s what sports is about now. That’s what being the Prom King has always been about.

But Tony Romo is simply living The Life, while Alex Rodriguez is living a lie.

Comments (2)

Comment	smaller | bigger
Name
Write the displayed characters
Subscribe via email (Registered users only) I have read and agree to the Terms of Usage.
	Add Comment