So let me start with one of my favorite topics---Laura Gawdamn Miller. You may recall that our Madame No, who has never met a private payroll, "stood up" to Jerry Jones when he was trying to build the new Cowboys stadium in that dank armpit we call Fair Park. She was pretty sure that Jerry would NEVER leave Dallas and sent him on his way to talk with the likes of John Wiley Price and with assurances that everybody would eventually work this out together.

Now like most morons who have made more than a billion dollars in three different industries (sports ownership, oil bidness and real estate), Jerry was probably wondering how Laura could help bring all sides together. Maybe he was thinking that after all it was journalist Ms. Miller who had earlier accused Commissioner Price of raping (uh let's use the polite parlance of "from behind") one of his own political operatives--A position not wholly unfamiliar to Dallas Taxpayers-- Butt what the hell. He probably visited with John Wiley who wanted to know how many minorities the Cowboys already had working for them and how many would be selling programs, working as usher’s etc at Fair Park

Gee, I can't imagine why Jerry would want to move 15 miles West. Oh and why would Arlington want the stadium anyway? Hmmmmm. Well, I saw a little blurb in the paper the other day about how the NCAA was visiting with Arlington officials about bringing the Final Four to that City once Jerry World is completed. Most interesting, but did you see who set up THAT meeting? It was Senior Cotton Bowl official. Read between the lines. The Cotton Bowl has already been talking to Jerry about moving to his new site and again becoming a top tier Bowl. The Texas/OU tilt will soon follow. Then Jerry will put on his carnival hat, spend about the $150 bucks it would cost to reconstruct the midway and its ancient rides from Fair Park to Arlington. The folks who don't believe this are probably the same people that believe Michael Irvin’s crack pipe was left behind by a friend.

You will soon learn that Notre Dame is already positioning themselves to play a game in Arlington. Texas Tech would be crazy not schedule an inter-sectional game in this rich recruiting area. The NBA All-Star game will not be far behind. Same for a National Political convention. The Super Bowl is a given ---and Dallas will get exactly what it deserves for its hideous lack of vision.

You youngsters may not recall but from 1984-86 Dallas was the site for these types of events. We were the "Can Do" city and there was much prideful chest-thrusting etc. Then in 1987 we elected mayor named Annette Strauss. She was a lovely woman with a long history of volunteer work, married to a political genius and about as qualified to run a major city as…well, Madame No. On the Strauss watch, The Texas Racing Commission awarded Grand Prairie the ability to construct one of the premier tracks in the country (home to Breeders Cup). That City put up $60 million and the 25-year bonds will be retired about 10 years early. New owners bought the Rangers from Eddie Chiles in 1989 with a view to moving that club from the dilapidated Arlington site to Dallas. Now if the Symphony Ball needed somebody to coordinate flowers---Mayor Strauss was your go-to-gal. But she was no match to slug it out with Arlington Mayor Richard Greene so that community bit off on $100 million in bonds. The first game there was April 1 1994 and the bonds will be retired in 2007. Now Miller is "standing up" to Southwest Airlines. Is anybody else scared they might get a belly-full of her Dallas? Maybe readers of the Dallas Business Journal who say:

SURVEY QUESTION:

Should Dallas Mayor Laura Miller be re-elected in 2007?

Yes 7% No 92%

Okay, enough hrrunmphing for one day, let's go to Tom' Unpolished Paragraphs:

Lord, please spare me this summer from a driving vacation that features non-stop Carley Simon or (S)Norah Jones emitting from the CD player

Best entertainment value by far in these parts is the Dallas Maverick’s ticket.

Never buy a puppy already named "Digger."

For the Movie "Dallas," I am told they are going to try and configure the Dallas skyline rising somewhere outta Louisiana or maybe Jacksonville, Florida. Nice work Texas Film Commission

You owe it to yourself to onetime view live the mating dance of the prairie chicken.

To find out that, in the NCAA Mens tournament the number one seeds have .796 winning percentage AND that beginning with the elite 8, teams seeded three-five enjoy a 15 per cent better winning percentage that second seeds---I needed only to peruse in my Wall Street Journal of all places

Kit Bond the Missouri Senator has a little different take on the Texas request for $2 billion to repay us for our neighborliness to Katrina evacuees. He reminds that many of these displaced families receive benefits and are filling empty housing and finding jobs in the State. Says he: "I think its time to get back to being a good neighbor and not a paid companion."

Stack another book on my nightstand. This one? The Dead Beat a collection of favorite obits from around the world by Marilyn Johnson.

Did I tell you that my 88-year-old mom won fourth place in the Fall Golf Scramble?

While kinda on the subject of golf, pull up the Catholic Shopper.com to find "Jesus sport statues" including a version with Jesus tutoring a kid on driving a golf ball.

If you like to run with the artsy set, take a day trip up Highway 75 to Dennison TX. Now home to 17 art galleries. While you are there say Hello to my friends, Larry and Linda Matthews at 416 W. Gallery.

These days, the truly desperate Housewife can be seen on the pay phone.

Have you ever heard of the terms "Top Dog?" and "Pecking Order?" Barnyard chickens prefer a definite social order. The head hen pecks all of the other hens but is never pecked herself. When puppies pile on top of each other the one who nips and battles his way to the top of that pile is the top dog.

Take in at least 1 springtime festival in Texas this year. The Athens Fiddler event is a good one. As is the Kerrville folk festival and any Cinco De Mayo celebration.

Did you know that more than half of the cartoonist gracing the New Yorker MAGAZINE are left-handed?

Don’t forget April 21st marks the battle of San Jacinto. The battle lasted 20 minutes and the DMN scribe Kent Biffle chuckles we have been celebrating 169 years.

Next time you hear the lovely on the next bar stool moan, "There are no real men around any more," remind her such a situation may be the result of female choice. Latest science book--Adams Curse, suggest that without intervention the decaying Y-chromosomes will lead to male extinction---oops, so who will pick out the drapes and do her hair?

You, of course, already knew that the opposite of Deja Vu is Jamais Vu (the feeling when a familiar place suddenly feels strange)?

These kids today that crack up at old footage of yesterday’s stars in short-short basketball pants. Uh, how are they gonna feel viewing their own photos in about ten years. I mean what is it with this look of "shorts" coming down to your ankle and cargo pockets to the bottom of the calf? Looks like crap if you ask me. Probably some skinny-legged nerd thought them up.

BTW, remaining on the subject of young fashion, there is a certain age at which a young man should turn his gawdamn cap around---bill in front---and that age is not 35.

Despite what my head guide, Ramey Sparks will tell you, I am not really that tight with a buck. But when gas prices at the neighborhood Chevron are 15 cents higher than the discount guys---well, adios pardner. That’s a six-pack of beer that Ramey can appreciate.

And finally, now that we are told prostate cancer might be caused by virus, I am looking out for the bumper sticker that tells us "I caught prostate cancer from my girlfriend."

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