Two games. Three days. And the slaying of a four-headed dragon.

That's what has kept the Mavs busy this week: dousing the fire-breathing of four NBA icons: Kobe Bryant, Phil Jackson, Shaquille O'Neal and Charles Barkley.

We'll march through the slayings of the NBA's hottest team, one by one:

1) Slaying Kobe: We addressed it earlier this week, and we'll expand on it here: Once upon a time -- like, a few weeks ago -- Kobe's ability to score at will against Dallas was a Mavs' mental bugaboo. He was in their head. Then, on Tuesday, Dallas forces him into a 5-of-22 shooting night.

He is out of their head now. The Mavs don't play the Lakers again this year, unless the Lakers somehow qualify for the playoffs. In which case these Mavs would welcome the challenge.

2) Slaying Phil: The Lakers coach exited Tuesday by claiming Mavs owner Mark Cuban "intimidates'' referees into calling games Dallas' way. "Nervous Nellies,'' he called the officials. First, an opinion: All Jackson is attempting to do here by re-initiating a spittin' match with Cuban is to deflect scrutiny of a bad team. HIS bad team. Cuban responded to the remarks by joking that he "owns Jackson'' and that Phil is now his "bucket boy.'' (Urban slang, I believe.) Now, to the facts: How successful has Cuban been in "intimidating'' refs during LA-Dallas games in, say, the last five years? Cuban has been so "intimidating'' of the zebras that the Mavs are 7-10 in those meetings.
That's the Cuban Era Advantage? He bares his fangs and we get 7-and-10? Wow, that is intimidating!

One step more: Maybe lead official Ken Mauer, who worked that Tuesday game, is specifically guilty. Maybe Mauer's games with Dallas end up the Mavs' way. Let's check on how Ken Mauer might have aided Dallas, either "secretly'' or "conspiratorially'' or as the result of having been "strong-armed'' by Cuban's muscular audio-visual department:
In the last five seasons, Ken Mauer has worked five of them.
The Mavs' record in playoff games not worked by Mauer is 20-21.
The Mavs' record in those five games worked by Mauer: 1-4.
Thanks for nothing, Ken.

Thanks for a fake controversy, Bucket Boy.

3) Slaying Shaq: Shaquille O'Neal is famously comical. He has derided Dallas for years, once calling Don Nelson a "clown coach,'' more recently questioning the manhood of Mavs center Erick Dampier. Thursday night, Damp said little before the game or after the game, but man, was he jabberin' at Shaq DURING the game. Shaq got 23 meaningless points in Dallas' 112-76 win. That's 13 straight victories for a Mavs team that during the streak hasn't allowed an opponent 100 points, has an average margin of victory of 16 points, and enters Friday a half-game ahead of San Antonio and a one-and-a-half game behind Detroit in the race for the best record in the league.

Shaq, anything humorously derisive to say about the Mavs today?

"That was just a good old-fashioned Texas beatdown,'' said O'Neal.

Hey, wait. ... that wasn't funny!

4) Slaying Barkley: During this terrific run, TNT's Charles Barkley should be eating his words. (Eating words would no doubt make for fewer calories than whatever he's stuffing in his piehole now.) But no. Before Mavs-Heat, Barkley announced that no matter what the Mavs have accomplished, THIS game would be the true test. Then came a 30-point blowout. ... and Barkley dismisses the game as unimportant because the Mavs still haven't beaten anybody.

For the record: The best teams in the NBA -- the teams considered contenders, powers -- are the Spurs, the Pistons, the Suns, the Heat -- are 1-6 against Dallas. As a point of comparison, "powerhouse'' Miami Heat's record is now 0-7 against Detroit, Dallas, San Antonio, Phoenix.

Shouldn't national analyst Barkley, working the Mavs-Heat game, point this out? Nah. He was too busy admitting that while Dallas is improved, its postseason fate is sealed because (to paraphrase) "Dirk will have to cover the Spurs' Tim Duncan in the playoffs, and he can't do that.''

Of course, anybody who actually watches the NBA knows that Dirk doesn't cover Duncan.

And anybody who watches the NBA knows Charles Barkley doesn't cover the NBA.

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