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MUSINGS FROM ATOP FISH'S BARSTOOL Print E-mail
by Mike Fisher    Fri, Dec 9, 2005, 11:06 AM

Assorted musings from atop the Fish barstool. ...

ITEM: In coach Bill Parcells' Thursday press conference, he referenced those of us who believe the Cowboys should do something rather than run for too few yards on on first down, run for too few yards on second down and pass incomplete on third down.

"Fans and laymen,'' he called us.

And he's right. You and I -- fans and laymen -- can only wish we were bright enough to find a way to think running for too few yards on on first down, running for too few yards on second down and passing incomplete on third down was somehow acceptable.

God, how I long to be as intelligent as InfalliBill!

ITEM: I remember when a high-school football playoff game was worthy of being on the front page of a newspaper. Of course, the newspaper was my employer, the Greeley (Colo.) Tribune, and the school was Greeley Central High School.

I'm taken back in time seeing front-page news being made of the Highland Park High School football team story -- except this "controversy'' regards the lack of ticket availability.

I'm sure I'm missing something here, but if there are a certain number of seats in a stadium, and the tickets to those seats are sold, where is the story? Where is the controversy?

I'm only half-kidding when I say that I believe the only reason this is a front-page story is because this is the first team people from Highland Park haven't simply been able to buy whatever they want.

ITEM: I very much appreciate the Baseball Romantics, without whom baseball would be an even more dead sport.

This week the Baseball Romantics at the DMN had us believing the Rangers were in hot (stove league) pursuit of stellar names, from Manny Ramirez to Josh Beckett and everyone in between. In fact, the Rangers ended up acquiring somebody named "Brad Wilkerson'' and somebody named "Terrmel Sludge.''

The Baseball Romantics wrote that Wilkerson dropped from 32 homers in '04 to 11 homers in '05, and cited the longer fences in his new home park as the reason. (Hmmm. Fences, or maybe wayward B-12 shots?)

The Baseball Romantics did mention that Terrdel Sludge HAS tested positive for steroids. If that's not a strike against him, I'll offer up this strike against Terrdel Sludge: his name's TERRDEL SLUDGE!

ITEM: Katie Couric was on NBC on Thursday morning, wondering whether we have to "shoot to kill'' airplane terrorists. This after the incident an incident in Miami that saw the alleged terrorist being described by his widow as "mentally ill.''

Note to Katie: Yes. We shoot to kill a terrorist, lest he detonate his backpack and kill 300 others.

Note to widow: Yes, he's mentally ill. That much is apparent, and while I obviously don't condone the random "shooting-to-kill'' of all "mentally ill'' people, I do condone the "shooting-to-kill'' of the "mentally ill'' people with bombs in their backpacks.

ITEM: When I hear people dissing the value of Dirk Nowitzki, I'm left to assume they're just playing "shock jock.''

The UberMan has this week led the Mavs to a 3-0 record on the strength of three 30-points-plus games. And yet somebody stuck a note in the paper this week about Dirk trailing teammates Josh Howard and Jason Terry in value and thus being only the "third-best player'' on the Mavs.

I'm not saying Dirk is Wilt; Chamberlain, incredibly, from
Nov. 4, 1961 to Feb. 22, 1962 posted a 65-game streak of 30-points or more! (Wilt also scored 50-plus seven straight times, and 40-plus 14 straight times). He's off the charts.

But third-best player on the Mavs?

Listen, I know that thanks to Bill Parcells I've been exposed as "just a fan and a layman.'' And I respect the importance of Howard, Terry, and the rest of the Mavs supporting cast.

But Nowitzki, coming off a season during which he was a league MVP finalist and an All-NBA First-Teamer, shouldn't be involved in an argument about being the third-best player on his team.

He's closer to being the third-best player in THE LEAGUE.

 

ITEM: This is the sort of week that allows us native Northerners to feel as wise as the Dahli Lama in comparison to all y'all.

What makes us so smart? Our "wintery mix'' behavior, that's what

Two classic moments from local TV coverage of our storm:

1) Telemundo sent a van and a crew out to cover a wrecked semi on I-20. But then the Telemundo van got in a wreck, too, requiring NBC5 to send out a reporter out to cover the wrecked van that was covering the wrecked semi on I-20. And then the young lady from NBC5 got yelled at by "the cops,'' as she called them, because she put herself in peril by covering the Telemundo van that was in peril from covering the semi that was in peril.

I'm thinking I'm gonna hustle out there and cover the coverage of the coverage of the coverage.

2) Ch. 8's John McCaa looked sincerely into the camera on Wednesday night and, in a warm and avuncular manner, explained why window scrapers are unnecessary. He told viewers that they wouldn't need to "do all that work'' if they would simply "turn on your defroster and let it run for five to 10 minutes'' and that would do the trick.

And I swear, Gloria Campos -- an otherwise lovely, bright and talented lady -- looked at John McCaa like he'd just split a friggin' atom.

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